Coco Does Thanksgiving

Coco has the family over every Thanksgiving. I love doing the Thanksgiving meal. In years past, I have been possessed by Martha Stewart, and did the herbs-under-the-skin thing....heck, one year I even served a tur-duck-hen. The end result of preparing gourmet birds and side dishes resulted in me spending the lionshare of the day in the kitchen, and I was exhausted.

Coco don't play that way anymore.

I'm a busy gal, Martha doesn't dare possess my mortal coil during the holidays. She would probably swoon from the lack of difficulty and heavy use of prepared products. Meh....she's a weirdo anyway. I don't care what she thinks. To me, Thanksgiving is all about spending time with the family, and copious amounts of food and alcohol.

Here's is Coco's Thanksgiving Menu:

1. Turkey. I don't mess with the bones anymore. I absolutely hate dealing with the carcass afterwards. I buy two Butterball boneless turkeys. They always come out juicy and perfect, and the meat is awesome for sandwiches the next day (if there are even leftovers).

2. Mash 'Taters and Gravy. Taters are instant from a box, gravy is from a jar. Thanksgiving purists have the following options:

a. You can bite me, or
b. Come over and mash the taters yourself whilst steaming your face to a bright red.

Everyone loves my taters, because I use REAL butter, garlic, salt, pepper and a bit of cream. Don't hate until you appreciate my taters.

3. Stuffing. Although it is not actually "stuffed" in the bird, Northerners call it stuffing. I sweat onions, carrot and celery (all of an equal size) in a bit of butter. I then add a mild breakfast sausage. Salt and pepper are added, and the mixture is incorporated into Pepperidge Farm breadcrumbs, and moistened with chicken broth. It is so good you could cry.

4. Green bean casserole. I used to serve my holiday green beans with lemon and olive oil, but I thought it would be fun to serve the classic (with cream of mushroom soup and crispy onions) last year. It was a big hit, and appears again on this year's menu.

5. Corn. Out of the can. I am not cutting corn off the ear you Bobby Flay loving freak. I don't work at Bolo.

6. Cheezy Broccoli. Broccoli florets covered in cheddar and/or Velveeta. Cooked until the cheeze is bubbly and ever-so-slightly brown....like a mean grilled cheese sandwich.

7. Cranberry Gelatin Goo. I mold the cranberry gelatin goo to represent the artistry that is the inside of an aluminum can. It is quite a skill. Mom also brings a lovely whole berry relish for those that dig the whole berry experience. It is faboo. People that know and love me know that I am a klutz. This is why I have a ceramic range top rather than an open flame gas range. Those cranberries explode y'all. Me + exploding fruit = disaster.

8. Mom's Irish Soda Bread. Usually served during St. Patrick's Day, it also appears at Thanksgiving because it is just that awesome. The traditional variety calls for raisins, also known by me as The Devil's Candy, so Mom makes a loaf usually with dried apricots and walnuts. I think this year she is going to substitute Craisins for dried apricots. It is awesome toasted the next day for breakfast.

9. Apple Pie and Pumpkin Pie served with Cool Whip. A nice lady by the name of Sara Lee has already assembled the pies. I just have to heat them up. Thanks ever so much Sara!

So that's the menu. It is very easy, which means I will have tons of time to spend with my family, and that's the most important thing.