What Would Coco Do?

"How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone." Coco Chanel

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Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States

I love the finer things in life, and I love writing. That's why I'm here. Want Coco to review your product? E-mail me at cococares@gmail.com!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Scoop Has Meaning

I'd like to say people can be animals, but then that would be insulting to the animals. Let's just say that people can be really gross. We all know this, have seen gross things, and have moved on with life.

I am leaving my current employment situation for a better opportunity. I am not leaving here on bad terms - quite the contrary actually - but for some reason NOW I am privvy to certain occurrences and goings on in the firm.

Today I went to a group lunch, included among the group was our excellent runner. Fear the staff you higher-ups....they see all....they know all.

So as we were waiting for the check, he told us that a whole lot of the men here at my situation do not wash their hands after using the restroom. Okay I know that men can be gross, and I guess think they will not pass staph infections throughout their working environment. This is why unisex bathrooms are generally a bad idea. Women would see that men do not wash their hands, and I guess turn lesbian. Babies would not get created, and world symbiosis would be super-screwed up.

Okay I'm getting off track - back to what our runner said.

Now it is bad that they do not wash their hands, but their next steps are even more horrific.

He has witnessed them go directly into the kitchen, and either:

1. Open the door to our beverage refrigerator, or
2. Thrust their dirty hands into the pretzel and animal cracker bins.

Folks these men I speak of are college-educated, make six figures, and are basically upstanding members of society.

The firm generously supplies snackage for us, and also provides handy scoops so that we can have opportunity to appreciate our opposable thumbs and dexterity. It seems a number of men here do not care, and want everyone to die because they are lazy.

So if it sounds like I am being severe on men, well, I am. Sorry if you are a guy that is super awesome, washes his hands, and chooses not to be gross. This post was not intended for your eyes. Whenever I have been in the ladies room, I have always witnessed other ladies washing their hands.

Please wash your hands. Please use provided scoops for snackage after washing your hands if you want to partake of treats intended for everyone. It would be most inconvenient for the entire office to get sick because you are lazy and gross.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Rehab makes everything okay

Celebrity says something prejudiced.

Prejudicial remark hits the news at lightning speed.

Everyone reads, talks, and thinks about it.

“How dare that person.” “What a hideously unsensitive thing to say.” “I’m never going to pay any attention to that person again.”

Then whatever group the offense remark was directed towards gets up in arms, and goes to their public relations firm, demanding said person to apologize.

Celebrity goes into rehab, because celebrity is obviously an evil person, that probably stomps on daisies and throws rocks at mockingbirds for sport.

I am so so tired of celebrities going to rehab because of something stupid they said. Can’t celebrities just be dickheads, and can’t we get on with life? Do we have to go through their twelve steps with them?

If you can honestly say to yourself that you have never said or thought anything prejudicial, I can honestly call you a liar.

Move along people…..nothing interesting to see here.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Fuhgeddabout Snakes On A Plane

Children on a plane can be much worse. According to this article, a family was ejected from a flight because their child was, well, being a child.

Now I do not have children, and I give snaps to those of you that have to travel with children. Children get tired. Children do not understand that they have to remain seated, and belted for extended periods of time. They kick the back of my chair, which could result in spirited beverage spillage. They don't understand the uncomfortable pressure in their ears, and then they cry that banshee-like shrill that only children (and banshees I suppose) can produce.

Air Tran was fully in its right to remove the family from the flight. They have a business to run, and a responsibility to ensure safety and control during the flight. Air Tran reimbursed the family for the cost of their tickets, which I think was above and beyond what they should have done. The family said they will never fly Air Tran. Fine. I will.

Can't some genius invent children's chewable Demerol already?